This is a reflection on the Mass readings of the day.
Consider the emotional state of the disciples as today’s gospel begins. On the one hand, they are filled with wonder at the reality of the risen Lord. It is such an amazing reality that their minds really can’t even process it. On the other hand, however, the risen Jesus is not accessible to them at that moment. This combination of realities leaves them antsy; they can’t sit still. What can they do? How are they to fill their time as they wait for Jesus to (hopefully) come among them sometime again? The answer: Go fishing. It seems ridiculously mundane under the circumstances, probably even to them, but it is something to do for healthy distraction.
But their minds are on only one thing: Jesus. Even so, when Jesus shows up on the shore, they do not recognize him immediately. Something significant about Jesus’ appearance has changed since He rose from the dead, and the Gospels are very mysterious about this. He is the same, yet different. He is fully physical and human, and yet transcends physical constraints.
Nor does He strike them, however, as any random stranger on the shore. When He tells them to cast their nets on the other side of the boat, they obey Him. Simon Peter had only obeyed a similar command before the Resurrection, because the command had come from Him: “Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets.” Now, though, Peter changes the nets to the other side of the boat without questioning. Something about this man whom he has not yet recognized is compelling. Perhaps he is thinking that it might be Jesus, but is not sure.
John is the first to affirm His identity: “It is the Lord.” Upon which, Simon Peter plunges into the water. He doesn’t want the fish. He wants Christ.
Even when the disciples are eating with Jesus, they are not completely sure it is He; they are tempted to ask Him, but dare not. Christ is everything to them; He is their happiness and fulfillment; His Resurrection is their joy; but He also remains a mystery to them.
The same Simon Peter of today’s gospel appears in the first reading, filled with the Holy Spirit, bearing confident witness in the face of enemies to that same risen Lord. But even then, this confident apostle is not enjoying definitive possession of His prize, which is perfect union with His Lord. This is reserved for Heaven.
Ideas for conversation with the Lord: Thank Jesus for His Resurrection, for all that it has meant for the possibility of salvation in your life. But also tell Him that there is a certain melancholy in not fully possessing Him just yet, in that degree of separation. Tell Him that you cannot wait until you possess Him definitively in Heaven. Tell Him that your life is like the disciples’ fishing as they waited for Him; that your heart is restless until it rests in Him.
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